


The Past Is Naught but Unchained Shackles

by thisis1coolusername



Series: Give me your heart, O Warden [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/F, F/M, Graphic Description, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:46:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29692452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisis1coolusername/pseuds/thisis1coolusername
Summary: She was not heartbroken to see that Avira fell for Alistair. She questioned it, of course; twas almost comical to see a woman of Avira’s caliber be swept off her feet by the efforts of that bumbling fool. But alas, at the end of the day, Morrigan was not by her side.Avira was unattainable. And that fact stung more than Morrigan had liked.Ill timed realizations come when the end of the world is at its precipice. Who will you give  your heart to, O Warden?
Relationships: Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Past female warden/OC
Series: Give me your heart, O Warden [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870264
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Wynne is with the party now but the events of Kinloch Hold hadn’t happened yet. I like my magic grandma what can I say ehehehe

Morrigan couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment she began to fall for Avira. But she became aware that she cared for the woman more than she would like to admit during one particular night near the beginning of their journey.

It was during Morrigan’s watch on one nondescript evening. Avira came to wake her but did not go to rest. The woman merely took up her staff and left from the camp. When nature’s song lulled for naught but a moment, Morrigan could hear from her the faint grunts of exertion. “Magic exists to serve man but man must wield it with their own mortal strength,” she once said. She looked and sounded every bit of pretentious while saying it, and there is utterly no factuality to the statement whatsoever. But she’s seen the woman have her nightmares and Morrigan could not help but to wonder of her upbringing in the Circle. The templars (and their indoctrinated mages) declaw their captive wards and lord their weakness over them for the rest of their lives. Then, they expect the mages not to be tormented by visions of demons from the Fade and from their own minds?

Morrigan watched Avira stumble back, face already drawn in acceptance of facing whatever she saw during her rest. She spoke.

“Avira? Come here would you?”

When blue eyes turned her way, Morrigan found herself confused at her actions despite herself.

“Yes? Are you okay?” Avira asked as she approached, planting her staff to lean against it once she stood by her camp.

“I am fine,” Morrigan said. “Tis you I had a question for. And a possible solution.”

Avira’s ears twitched up.

“Oh?” She asked in tired interest. “Nice to see you have the answers to all my unasked questions.”

Morrigan found herself smiling lightly at the good hearted teasing.

“Jest all you want. Does a ward for your slumbering mind pique your interest?” She asked, to the point. “Twould prove more reliable for a restful night’s sleep than pushing oneself to the brink of exhaustion.”

Avira blinked at her, caught by surprise. She then looked away as she chuckled to herself. “Obvious am I?”

“If your intention was to hide it, then quite. As the de facto leader of this operation, I would prefer that you possess full control of all your facilities. Twould be an embarrassment to myself if you were to fall in battle from of a lack of rest.”

“So I represent you now do I?” A flash of teeth as Avira smirked down at Morrigan. 

“You no more represent me than your Maker precedes over me,” Morrigan scoffed. “Take it or leave it, I offer you a reprieve from whatever nightmares plague you.”

Avira’s smiled warm from teasing to thankful. “I indeed jest but your offer means more than you think. I leave myself in your care.”

Morrigan felt her heart stutter and frowned inwardly. Her nervous? No. Surely not. She offered, so she would deliver. (Although she pondered as to why she felt so compelled to do so in the first place.)

“No question as to what the solution actually is?” Morrigan questioned, trying to ignore her rapidly beating heart as she beckoned Avira closer. “What if tis scary blood magic and you find yourself with a penchant of eating babies?”

Avira barked a laugh as she drew close to her. “As long as they’re the ugly ones.”

For a few moments, the two women shared a breath as Morrigan’s hands framed her face. Avira had closed her eyes and already seemed relaxed despite her not even drawing upon her magic yet. Morrigan allowed herself just one more moment to take in the women in her hands before she even realized what she was doing.

She gently pushed magic into to the tips of her fingers. Relax. Slumber. Bringing aboutrest is no different than hexing someone in that regards. In no time at all, Avira began to slump into her hands, eyes blinking open sleepily.

“‘N no dreams?” Avira slurred, hands reaching up to hold Morrigan’s wrists. 

“Of that, I assure,” Morrigan promised, trying to ignore the goosebumps her touch left in its wake. “Now off to your tent, will you? No sense passing out on the ground.”

“Mmm, yes of course,” the woman said as she slumped onto the ground where she laid for a few moments. Then several more. Avira began to softly snore.

“And you do exactly what I tell you not to do,” Morrigan complained to sleeping ears.

Tis unremarkable really, helping her sleep that night. Morrigan knows this, but having such trust placed upon her was... strange but not unwelcomed. 

When Avira woke, she sat up with a look of bleary confusion as if she didn’t expect to wake and see the clearing of the campground. She looked up at Morrigan for a moment with a look of naked wonder on her face. She smirked down at her, prepared to gloat but instead found herself lifted off her feet instead as Avira wrapped her in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” she whispered into her hair, voice thick with emotion that Morrigan didn’t expect to hear. “ _ Thank you _ .”

Avira let her go, setting her on her feet and giving her a small sheepish smile. Twas blinding still and it reflected in Morrigan’s eyes every time she closed them.

Morrigan didn’t get to offer to teach her the ward. The chance to offer has come up many a times, yes, but every time she said nothing and so did Avira.

She was not heartbroken to see that Avira fell for Alistair. She questioned it, of course; twas almost comical to see a woman of Avira’s caliber be swept off her feet by the efforts of that bumbling fool. But alas, at the end of the day, Morrigan was not by her side.

Avira was unattainable. And that fact stung more than Morrigan had liked.

She thought she made her peace with that. She thought that she could smash those irresponsible and unreasonable thoughts of having her to oblivion and never be plagued with them ever again. Twas strange of her to even have these feelings anyway. She’s never been enamored with women anyway.

Morrigan did not realize that she was merely putting a plug on an ever filling bottle, however. That her feelings for her would ever grow that strong and continue to swell evermore so. It led to terse interactions with Avira that Morrigan knows she’s beginning to question.

It came to a head the day they left the inn. When they stepped out, Morrigan couldn’t help but to stare for Avira seemed to be an almost different person with how relaxed she was. She watched as she talked with the others, brown skin having a glow as tattooed checks stretched with a grin. She was so beautiful to Morrigan at that moment and her heart ached so much she felt sick. She began to wonder, what if-?

Avira looked at her and she looked away.

She will take naught but a moment to get away, Morrigan decided. Put some distance between herself and Avira so she could think, Morrigan had thought as she began to fly away from camp. She’ll be back before her watch was up. By then, she would have regained some semblance of herself-

And then a great white owl took to the air behind her. Because of course Avira noticed Morrigan’s odd behavior. Of course she would want to _talk_ about her feelings and refuse to leave until she did.

And of course Morrigan had to kiss her. 


	2. Chapter two

Avira was still holding her wrist when Morrigan pulled away from her. When her eyes opened, her first sight was Avira staring at her in open shock and what a dose of cold water that was to see. This was such a lapse of common sense - what had she done? But Morrigan turned away, accepting of her consequences. A denouncement of their friendship mayhap? Exactly what she needed. If she cannot push Avira away, then let the women do it herself-

“What?”

No anger, no pushing away. Just confusion from the woman in front of her. Morrigan peeked up at her and immediately felt like shit.

Avira stared down at her. Her expression was conflicted, flickering between anger, confusion, and something else that Morrigan could not put name to.

“Morrigan, I’m drawing several conclusions right now and I’m not sure how I feel about any of them,” Avira said, voice becoming a careful blank. “No more skirting around.”

“Tell me, tis not customary to express-“

Avira’s expression didn’t change sans from the tightening of her lips but it was enough for Morrigan to stop and sigh. 

“I,” she began, feeling as if the world was ending twicefold, “find myself in the predicament of holding affection for you.”

Silence.

“Huh,” Avira said, now looking lost.

“”Huh”?” Morrigan parroted, suddenly irritated and upset at the lackluster response after such a build up.

“Yes, Morrigan. “Huh”, because this has been a whiplash of a conversation and I’m pretty much emotionally spent at this point,” Avira snapped. She took a composing breath before continuing on calmly. “So, all of this was because you like me?”

Morrigan came close to squirming. “No.”

“No?”

“...Mayhaps.”

Avira sighed deep and long. The truth was meant to be a liberating thing, but Morrigan felt more weighed down than anything else. The burden of encroaching, for one. The inevitable rejection. The anger at herself for even kissing her. The disappointment that was sure to lurk in Avira’s eyes.

“Morrigan-”

“Save your words,” She interrupted, suddenly tired. “We both know what you are to say. I... I am-“

“Did you pay any heed to how things would turn out Morrigan?” Avira asked, anger leaking through her mask of indifference. “How things will change between us? The fallout if Alistair finds out?”

“Oh no, Avira,” Morrigan began sarcastically, “I sat on my thumbs until I came up with the brilliant notion of ruining everything between us for shits and giggles. Tis why I departed-“

Morrigan paused as she realized the rest of her words. “Are you not to tell Alistair?”

Avira grimaced, shame seeping onto her face. “...No.”

“Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Avira asked, with a tired sort of frustration, “It’s not about how I feel, it’s about what I must do. It’s... cowardly in the long run but if Alistair finds out now, everything will fall apart. I need us all to work for this last effort and no complications that can ruin our teamwork.”

“Last effort? Do you know something that I do not?”

“I  feel  it.”

Avira had let go of Morrigan’s wrist finally. The warmth still there juxtoposed with the cool air blowing around them.

Avira closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, pausing, and releasing. It didn’t do shit for the sheer magnitude of the situation but habits are habits.

“I don’t know what to do,” she said finally, the admittance sounding as if she unveiled a most terrible truth, “But I do know what has transpired between us cannot have a repeat. It’s an utter disrespect to Alistair, and I feel-“ Avira sighed harshly, “Really fucking pissed off.”

At herself, at Morrigan, and at herself twicefold for not even noticing the buildup of emotion her friend had towards her.

“We won’t speak of this,” she continued, eyes opening but not to look at the other woman. “Not now at least.”

Morrigan snorted. “This is not a conversation that needs to be revived.”

“That same logic of avoidance has resulted in this entire situation,” Avira replied harshly. “I now must lay with my love with the touch of your lips on mine.”

Morrigan went quiet and Avira felt a pang of hurt but steadfastly ignored it.

“…I’ll meet you back at camp,” Avira said after a beat of silence. “And I’m... I’m sorry.”

With that she left, disappearing with a tug at the Veil.

Avira landed a ways away from Morrigan and away from camp. Only then did she allow herself to fucking breathe. That entire conversation was just-

Avira leaned against the nearest tree and pressed her palms to her eyes, fighting against the swell of emotion.

Did she lead Morrigan on with her words and actions? She meant every part of every word she’d said, however, with no regrets. Avira would go out and beyond for her. She would for any one of her companions, in fact.

Avira dragged her hands down her face, fingers pressed against her lips as she thought.

But, Morrigan wasn’t like the others. Not to say that the others are lesser, no, but the way she saw Morrigan... It was in a different light to say the least. The first time Avira saw her, she was astounded by her audacity. The audacity to simply be who she was and do so unapologetically.

Morrigan didn’t tiptoe around anyone or anything, and it was one of the things that drew Avira to her. She was, by the Circle’s definition, the prime example of what not to be as a mage and Avira couldn’t help but to look, to learn, and to appreciate.

Others would call Avira herself confident and steadfast, but it was from Morgan she gained the confidence to continue to be so. And when she would falter, the woman would be sure to steady her. To Avira, Morrigan was someone she cherished deeply. Her closest friend even. 

“Fucking hell,” Avira groaned as she raked her hands through her hair, eyes growing hot as her breaths came to her quickly. “ _Fucking hell._ ”

What a joke, Avira thought as she slid down the tree. She didn’t want to push Morrigan away and be done with her. Why did she kiss her? No, why _did_ Avira decide that following her tonight would be a good idea? If she had just left well enough alone...

Avira sat there until her surroundings grew blurry as her tears fell in heavy rivulets onto her clenched fists. There she stayed until she hear the shrill cry of a crow. She stood up, face wiped up and unassuming. It was time for her watch. 

**Author's Note:**

> Been hacking away at this for a hot minute now, but I just decided that I’m just going to post chapters of it instead of posting a big one shot LMAO


End file.
